Category Archives: Silly Little Things

Perfect Dream Vacation(s)

Has anyone ever asked you, “If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go?”  When I am on a super tight budget , which is always…until I marry My-Future-Husband-Shia-Labeouf, I like to just go online and plan a trip for the hell of it.  Here are a couple:

Bangkok, Thailand

First of all, Thailand is the area that used to be Siam.  Remember Siam, where Yul Brynner was king (Rogers and Hammerstein’s The King and I).  I’m good with a weekend trip but I simply MUST see Siam Niramit!

Sydney Australia


It has been a fantasy of mine for quite some time now to go to Australia.  After visiting the famous Opera House, I would flirt my way into some surfing lessons with one of the locals (ie my Sydney Weekend Boyfriend) and then end the night with some Yellow Tail wine at the Royal Botanic Garden’s.

Barcelona, Spain


If you like this prompt check out others (’cause I didn’t like all of them lol)


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Reading List for 2014

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I am REALLY trying to read more!  Even though I am getting addicted to more and more shows (thank you AfterBuzz TV), there are sooo many movies that I want to see and I am getting a little more crafty this year…or at least trying to.  I’m also writing more!  But there are a few books that I want to read this year:

  1. Beautiful Chaos (Beautiful Creatures #3)- Kami Garcia
  2. Beautiful Redemption (Beautiful Creatures #4)- Kami Garcia
  3. City of Bones- Clare
  4. Odalisque (Percheron #1)- Fiona McIntosh
  5. Emissary (Percheron #2)- Fiona McIntosh
  6. Goddess (Percheron #3)- Fiona McIntosh
  7. The Song of Arbonne- Guy Gavriel Kay 
  8. Passage to India- E.M. Foster
  9. The Rosetta Key (Ethan Gage #2)- William Dietrich
  10. After Havana- Charles Fleming
  11. The DaVinci Code- Dan Brown

I am going to update this post periodically to update which books I have read and maybe give my response to it.

Have you read anything on my list?  Are they worth it, is there anything on here that you think I should not read.  Crazy idea…if there is a book that you want to read and want to read with me and talk about it…like a cyber book club or something COMMENT BELOW!  That could be really fun!

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Self Assurance and Self Acceptance


Do you love yourself, as is? Do you wish you were more comfortable in your own skin?

I will admit, that like most women (including supermodels) that there are some things that I would like to change.  You know the length and texture of my hair or my waistline, the flap and shake of my arms and thighs.  The funny thing is that most of those things I can fix…or at least attempt to.  I started wearing wigs a few months ago so I can change the length and style of my hair by the hour if I want.  Eventually I will lose all the weight and that will solve the other issues.  Most people would say that because I do these things that I am not comfortable in my own skin but I think that I am.

I know that I don’t look like a supermodel and I’m okay with it.  I am secure in my insecurities. Granted I’m not bold enough to be 265 lbs and wear a wear a crop top in public exposing ALL my belly flesh, but I applaud those that do.

I would say that I love myself as is.  Not because of the additions and subtractions that I use on the semi daily.  Insecure or not I have always had a different vision of my self in my mind then I did in the mirror.  I have also worked very hard at being comfortable in my own skin, but it was never for my looks.  I sometimes feel that I have a personality flaw that I can’t pinpoint.  That there is something in my manner and behaviours that rub people the wrong way or causes them to rub me the wrong way.  I’ll get upset for about 5 hours and then decide that I don’t care.

I’m sure that I would be more comfortable in my skin if I had skin that was more social acceptable. Not saying that I was paler or anything, just if I was the type of girl that more than a mother could love.  But on the other hand, I would hate it it I was a cookie cutter kind of girl.

So in conclusion to all of my ramblings.  Yes.  I do love myself, and I think that I am pretty comfortable in my skin.

What do you think?  How do you feel about this prompt?

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Letter to My Future Husband


So it is Valentine’s Day (2014) and I just wanted to say a few things.  First of all, I can’t wait to meet you.  As I am sure you know I am not a very patient person, but I’m sure we will link up eventually.  I figured now would be as good a time as any to thank you for a few things and also to apologize for a few others.  Let’s try the thank you’s first:

  1. LOVING ME!  I know sometimes it’s not easy sometimes
  2. Laughing with me, but never at me
  3. Everytime you kiss my shoulder
  4. encouraging me and believing in my dreams
  5. pretending to understand me and accepting me anyway
  6. Reminding me that I am beautiful, it’s really easy for me to forget
  7. Knowing that sometimes I just need my space, and giving it to me
  8. Always cleaning the kitchen
  9. Being my protector against spiders (especially the really big ones)
  10. Watching all the movies that I love so that you understand my movie references
  11. Making sure that I don’t turn into a recluse
  12. Accepting the fact that I (and my family) am a gaseous person

Now that I have buttered you up…I would like to apologize for the following

  1. Snoring and occasional drool
  2. Gas
  3. My OCD tendencies
  4. My massive, DVD, Book, Vinyl,  and Shoe collections
  5. Never wanting to clean the kitchen
  6. The constant movie references (we’ll work on it)
  7. Sometimes shutting you out, bad habits die hard–you know?

I’ve always thought of my self as a “Beautiful Mess” but I’m glad you stuck around and chose to love me because of it and not inspite of it.

Love You…More than you know


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I Feel Pretty

Do you ever have days where you have to remind yourself that you are cute? No really.  I mean I go to the gym three-four-five times a week (let’s just pretend shall we), I eat like a dang rabbit, guzzling water like I’m walking through a desert on top of everything else trying to look like a (Plus Sized) Supermodel!  I am fully aware that I will NEVER look like Jennifer Lopez or Halle Berry, but hey…they don’t seem to be able to keep a man either so there!  Sometimes I go through my Facebook pics and truly take time to notice that I am really cute.

When I saw this prompt, I forget where (I’m sorry), my first and immediate thought was PROM!  Oh my goodness!  Me and my mom searched high and low for a dress before finally going to David’s Bridal.  I had seen this turquoise halter dress with a mermaid skirt and a black design of what looked like Japanese flowers, not a lotus but flowers drawn in the Japanese art form, that wrapped from the front to the back.  Simple and elegant and just a touch of the 1940s.

I knew that my mom wouldn’t let me wear it because she didn’t want me in a halter, but I convinced her to let me try it on just because it was pretty and isn’t that what you are supposed to do when you ar out shopping for prom dresses with your mom?  It was the last of 5 dresses in that store that I was interested in and none of the other’s were speaking to me.  I put on the turquoise dress and stepped out of the fitting room.  I saw the mirror in front of me like it had been the past 4 times and didn’t recognize myself.  I told the girl in the mirror, which I suddenly thought was a different girl that she looked really nice in her dress and looked around for my reflection.

My mother was awe struck.  We had found a dress that looked good on morbidly obese me and OH did I ROCK that dress!  I wanted to show you a pic but I don’t have any saved on my computer so I picked another moment that I was reminded of my beauty.

Legz Galore

This photo was taken April 17, 2011.  at the time I weighed probably about 265lbs.  I got the dress from Forever 21 (in the plus sized department that they were hiding in the basement), you can’t see the shoes but I got them at Payless.  I got this outfit for my birthday (November) but it is the BADDEST club dress I own.  This is my going away party with my sorority sisters.  I would have been heading off to Florida two weeks later.

I was really feeling myself this night because I was out with my sisters, I had drink in hand, and I was about to embark on a new journey.  The reason that I gave everyone for leaving was to go to grad school but that was an excuse.  I just wanted to be out on my own and out of Chicago and out of my mother’s (really it was my aunt’s) house!

The reason I LOVE this photo is obvious.  THOSE GAMS!  I think my legs are my favorite body part.  I want nothing more than to be 80 and still have dancer legs like Chita Rivera, granted my legs are a bit thicker than Madam Chita they are firm and smooth.  My mom says that when I was born I had little bitty legs and she cried because she wanted me to have “big pretty legs”; so she cried and greased and prayed and there they are!

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Ode to Grand Chinese Kitchen

Prompt: If you had to eat the same meal over and over again for the rest of your life, what would it be, and why?

Everybody has the one place that they go to ALL THE TIME.  A place where when the workers hear the bell ring over their front door they say, “Hi!  Welcome to…oh, hey!”

Mine is Grand Chinese Kitchen in the strip mall on Garfield and the Dan Ryan.  When I tell you that I grew up with this place…I mean it is a fixture in my life.  Nothing made me happier than when my grandmother decided that she didn’t want to cook and would call my aunt telling her to pick up Chinese food. When I went away to school, my mother would go and get “Chink Food” (no offence) she would order and Julie would say “Wantons?  The Baby must be home!”

Fast forward to after my “Hama” (grandmother) passed and my aunt finally moved out of the house and we started eating at Yang’s.  Funny story:  Yang’s is right next to the Roosevelt Train Station and  when I was in high school I would see it everyday on the way home.  So when my aunt moved over there I was OVERJOYED!  I was not happy when they wouldn’t hire me for the summer considering that I was there every other Wednesday.

If I had to eat the same meal every day…for the rest of my life…I want what we got when I was a kid: shrimp fried rice, egg roll, BBQ pork, pot stickers, shrimp egg foo young and wontons.  And yes I will pay the extra for hot mustard.  Bon Appetite!

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What about you?  If you had to eat the SAME meal everyday for the rest of your life, what would it be?

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From A Fat Black Girl Who Attempts to Do Yoga

I saw this thing on Facebook earlier this week and I admit I kinda blew it off as a Silly Little White Girl Move and ignored it; because really that’s what you do with ignorant people, you ignore them.  But then it started popping up EVERYWHERE.  Not just the original post, or links to the original post, but commentary and responses to the original post.  So now I feel the need to respond.

Back in Chicago I decided, in a need of finding some happiness, that I would start taking dance classes.  I got a 10 Day pass at Intrigue Dance Studio (I love this studio and will offer it all the free publicity that I can!).  Now I wasn’t always the only black girl, or person for that matter; there were a few others including the instructor.  I was however the biggest and the least trained in the studio.  Nothing brought me more joy than being singled out for doing a good job on a move, getting good height on a leap, or just remembering some of my remedial dance terminology.

Never once did I feel conscientious about being the fat black girl in class.  Not even during the 1 pilates/yoga class I took to use up all my days before the deadline.  Granted I probably looked like an idiot in downward dog, I was just happy that I could touch my toes.  I have given all of this information as a way to prove my ability to speak on the subject manner.

Dear Skinny White Girl,

I’m sorry that you felt SO uncomfortable in your yoga class.  This is supposed to be a time for relaxation and self-awareness and I apologize that my sister in black fatness threw you off your chi.  However bear with me as I attempt to illuminate the situation.

1.) I must ask this question.  Why were you watching her in the first place opposed to focusing on your pranayama?  Considering the fact that she was behind you I doubt that you were able to watch her every move.  You described her as “crouched down on her elbows and knees, head lowered close to the ground, trapped and vulnerable”.  As I remember from my few public yoga classes, as well as the few videos I tried to keep up with, this was the Beginner Safety Pose.  This is where I go when everyone else is doing planks and I’m sweating buckets and can’t hold ALL of my weight on my forearms and toes. So maybe she was just waiting for a point where she felt comfortable participating again.  Perhaps said point did not come or perhaps you missed it.

2.) It had nothing to do with your (or her) color.  When I started reading your post I glanced over the fact that she was black.  I looked at it as an adjective that wasn’t important to understanding the situation.  It may not have had to do with size but lets say that it was. It mattered not if you were Black, White, Asian, Mexican, or a Flying Purple People Eater, you were SKINNY. In the few times I was in yoga/pilates/dance class I admit that my eyes strayed to the smaller girls; and they were ALL smaller than me.  Sometimes I didn’t want to be as small as they were considering that one of them was the size of one of my thighs; other times I was thinking “one day I’m going to be able to wear a ‘tastefully tacky sports bra’ with no fear of jiggle or ridicule!  Today planks, tomorrow high waisted biker shorts!”  Perhaps maybe that  is why she was watching you.  She didn’t mean to offend socially conscience mind she was idolizing you because you, skinny girl of non-descript racial origins standing like a flamingo without falling over, are who with, diligent practice, she can one day emulate.

3.) And I say this with all the love that I can muster for someone that I don’t know…GET OVER YOURSELF!  I mean seriously, you went home and cried because in your head you decided that this poor innocent girl who just wanted to make a change in life was giving you the Death Glare?  Who cares?  If she was congratulate yourself and pack yourself on the back for obtaining a new Hater.  Every woman no matter of her Size, Race, Orientation, or Economic Standing should Strive for Five every month.  And if you felt the urge to purge as one of what sounds like many skinny white girls in your class, how do you think SHE felt after being the only black fat girl who could not get past the WARM-UPs!  I am officially stereotyping you in a COMPLETELY different way now.

What I really wanted to read at the end of your post is that you spoke to the girl and offered to help her.  That you told her stories about YOUR first day in yoga class, recommended a different/easier class or some videos, books, blogs that she could check out to help her feel more comfortable the next time.  I was hoping that you tried to be the “bigger person” (pun intended) and extend an olive branch in a way to be the change that you hoped to see.  Instead you went home and cried, unfortunately not at your own elitist stupidity…

I don’t even know what else to say…


Heavyset Black Girl Who Attempts to Do Yoga

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Zumba, Relaxers, and Gym Memberships

Remember a few weeks ago, maybe last, and I was considering getting the Zumba Wii Game.  Well I haven’t gotten it yet but I remembered that you can see a lot of the songs on YouTube so I’ve been doing a few of them just for fun and to assure myself that the books will not fall off of the shelves and the people downstairs won’t come banging on my door with their ceiling fan in their hand.

What usually happens is that I decide I’m just going to try one but then that was easy, so I try another, and then that was fun so I try another, and then I start to sweat.  This is good right? NOT!  I just permed my hair!  Ask any black girl and they will tell you.  A new perm (relaxer) is not to be trifled with.  When I was a kid my aunt took me to get my hair done I came home and decided to do a complete 18 track slide CD in the living room.  I felt good because of all the calories I was sure I had just burned but she was pissed because I just sweat out my $90 Relaxer not even 9 hours later.

I didn’t just stop because of my hair tho.  I was enjoying living the single life and dancing in my underwear…cause I could…and my thighs were starting to shake a bit too much so I was going to stop anyway but the sweat made sure that I did!  I guess I will have to invest in a sweat band.

I’ve been thinking about joining a gym.  I really want to take a Zumba class and a spin class but gym memberships are expensive!  I was looking into the YMCA, I think they might be the most expensive of them all which is just sad!  $175 to join and then $50 a month!  Planet Fitness has that whole “No Judgement Zone” which makes a fat girl like me happy but $50 to join and $20 a month?  L.A. Fitness has “the most classes” but they want $100 to join and $30 a month.  There’s a Gold’s Gym not far from my house and they are open 24 hours which I really like and they seem dedicated to making women feel comfortable.  NOt to mention that they have a plan for people who need to lose 30lbs or more like myself (110 lbs to go!)  I couldn’t find the prices though.  I may try their 7 day free trial thingy though and let know how it works out!

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Am I the only one…

…who is afraid of doing Zuumba in my second floor apartment.  I was going to get the Zumba Wii “game” but I am afraid that all of the jumping around will upset my downstairs neighbors or worse cause the bookcase with the tv and all my books to fall!  I don’t want to just do minimal movement cause I don’t want to skimp on my calorie burning and because I LOVE latin music I will probably get really excited!  Does anybody have this and can vouch that I won’t get angry neighbors at my door if I go buy this thing?!?

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Day 13: It’s all for the abs

I would do anything for a flat stomach! When I was a kid (a very fat 300lb kid) I showed vocal promise and my music teacher told me that as long as I sang properly I would never have a flat stomach.  This gave me just cause to eat more cake.  I mean look at Pavoratti.  AMAZING voice,  never met lasagna he didn’t like.  And then…Idina came into my life.   I do love me some Idinia Menzel Diggs.  Even her husband.  And not only because their relationship proves that Catholic me and Jewish Shia Lebeauf do indeed have a chance in hell.  I love her voice and her songwriting skills…and have you seen her abs!!!

idina's abs

I want these abs!  When I was looking for this picture, I found it on a forum asking who their desired body type was and it got me thinking.  Besides Idina’s abs what is my dream body.  I have always wanted to have the physique of a 1900s French Prostitute.  No I’m serious.  They had curves; weren’t stick thin like the society ladies, probably from eating all the chocolates given to them by their society benefactors.

But as far as my body type aspirations I would have to say this:

Style: "Mad Men"kat Marilyn

What do you think? Unfortunately I think that all three women ended up slimming down. But I am dedicated to getting down to a size 10 and stopping there!

Today’s Challenges

Crunches: 45
Squats: 75
Water: 4 bottles


Breakfast: Scrambled Eggs/Turkey Sausage/Multi-Grain Waffle/Honey Nut Cheerios/Tea
Lunch: Chicken Cesar Salad/Apple Slices
Snack: Graham Crackers/Chocolate Almonds
Dinner: Basil Chicken and Rice

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